MC Chris ownz I wanna go to an MC Chris show But he doesn't tour, so in the meantime I'm gonna memorize all of his rhymes MC Chris ownz I wanna go to an MC Chris show But he doesn't tour, so in the meantime I'm gonna memorize all of his rhymes I spell word with a three Name's MC Other rappers flow weak like window unit AC's Latinas on my penis Japanese on they knees I love all the ladies as long as they eighteen I got bling up in ying a plethora of Porsches I'll say anything cause my mouth is remorseless Even the Source says my hip hop's a vortex Leave horse heads on doorsteps my mic checks cost Corvettes The strobe light explodes white as I step on the floor The barkeep knows the code so he throws me a Stroh's Weak MC's decompose cause they know I can flow Like Wessel comma Zam through corruscant corridors Humidors filled with stoges filled with dro Like 9-0-2-1-0 was filled with the word bro Fuck the lexicon of octagons I'm all about go These amateurs got catheters I'm all about pros, bout pros MC Chris ownz I wanna go to an MC Chris show But he doesn't tour, so in the meantime I'm gonna memorize all of his rhymes MC Chris ownz I wanna go to an MC Chris show But he doesn't tour, so in the meantime I'm gonna memorize all of his rhymes I'm lit like a branch Davidian Or what's left of the lithium In Cobain's cranium I fill Wembley Stadium Once bitten, twice shy call it pyromania When I roll up in Kashyyyk I roll three Jedi's deep The fleet of peeps that I creep all got vest's underneath There's no need to believe In the heat that I keep The swears that I *bleep* or the heiresses I freak It's embarrassing to me I'm like kerosene it seems Or D-R-E-W B with incendiary schemes Blowin' up, makin' cream I am just like Howard Dean When I scream I get red, I get mean Can't believe you be buying what I be shucking and jiving Fuck it if I am the next big thing with promotional tie-ins I am just cartoon making rapper you think that I'm lying Everybody bust a move like it is that rave in Zion My self aggrandizing and deprecation Keeps 'em guessing Call my Venus flytrap cause my DJ's Howard Hessman Word 'em up, yo word 'em up, yo I just let the rap game out of a choke hold

[MC Lars] It's just another day in the left of an artist Searching for truth in the rhymes that I harvest Art is my savior, art is my crutch Art is my breakfast, my dinner and my lunch Painting poems on these walls and I know I can't stop Acryllic's on my fingers, dripping stick and hot because I'm so inspired, getting higher every day Honestly these sonnets still have got a lot to say So bring me a pen and a pad and a beat Just one hit, one fix and I'll be free Cause this is the land where dreams are made Where people get robbed, and pushers get paid The passion and blood and the faith in my veins made everything okay when I felt it slip away Yeah it's been a minute since I've seen the sun Since my parents saw their son and this process has begun Cooking lyrics in a spoon, I stop and loop the beat There's never time to shower, socialize or eat I pop a tab of poetry, bump another line Metaphors get mixed, I sit back and recline V5 rolling ball syringe, stuck it in Cause art was the curse and the cure and the friend Know that is true; alive when I write this The serpent is loose and I try not to fight this [Chorus: Sage Francis (MC Lars)] You ain't gots to feel a low never I'm the one out choppin wood in cold weather The go-getters, we know better (Art of Darkness, pokerface bettin) (I'm the one climbin up the stairway to heaven) (Writin poems all alone, welcome home) [Sage Francis] Psycho sedative, type O negative Sick of this monotonous cycle - repetitive Is this reality? It's like "no," then it is Back alley white snow medicine for the defensive addictive personality type Showin off teeth marks to prove (Reality Bites) As if all of y'all lack the scars to match But death is the bitch and that dog ain't barkin back That's just junkie speech The only time I stop talking's when a belt's between my teeth It's a feast for the addict, a beast of habit sneaks to the attic and seeks the magic that speaks back - transcribe the interviews I begin to use and can't hide my inner views If music was therapeutic, I'd have been fixed long ago But this is just a song you know [Chorus - repeat 2X] [MC Lars] Once upon a time, this kid had a dream A voice and a purpose and a vision to be seen I realized reflections of fame were but illusions Art was the curse and the cure and solution I met with clowns, snake charmers, publicists Saw my name in magazines, laughin I was lovin it My muse and I used to drive and sing along Down the California coast, in the woods writing songs Up in the moutains, we'd try to unplug Away from the noise and the stresss and the drugs But I kept finding pills in the corner of my closet Underneath the skeletons, hid them in my pocket Like Jack Kerouac in a Big Sur cabin Or Alan Ginsburg, in Greenwich Village rappin The Pantheons of Poets, visionaries drinking coffee Sitting in the dark through the window I was watching [Sage Francis] Like a sniper with a rifle and a life full of debt Tupac fell off because he didn't know the ledge Respect the Jesus Juice like a noose around the neck Mic cord wrapped around my arm durin the soundcheck (one one two) Oh, you ain't gots to feel a low never I'm the one out choppin wood in cold weather The go-getter, and I'm lickin my chapped lips I keep on swingin 'til the disc in my back slips My ex called me callous - at least she called me Pale flesh full of scabs - bad teeth from the coffee Fat feet cause I'm portly - caffeine cause of a broken edge When they speak high of my music it goes over my head I'm a travellin man, with a gavel in hand And a 12 member jury in the back of my van Comin to a court near YOU! I could see the rehab center filled with smoke in the rearview I'm livin with my big money, it's my drinkin buddy When I squander it I ponder if it ever thinks of me When my chips are down and my bottle bottoms out But I'm on the up and up so what the fuck's the problem 'bout? [Chorus - repeat 2X] [MC Lars] In Western Australia, I saw the Southern Cross Chasing turtles in the sea, our love paid the cost My heartbeat erratically woke up and all I saw were panties in my sleeping bag, a note in her bra It said "Dear Lars we were never meant to be Though you meant a lot to me, sending kisses in your sleep In your sleep don't cry - remember the magic You still own it, you will always have it I'll send you haikus, with nothing but truth I'll send them care of Icarus, hope they get to you" What else could I do? I picked up the broom Swept the pieces of my past from the corners of the room While the beautiful people drink champagne and laugh I just can't hold back, I just can't relax Backsage in El Dorado, sitting with my fishing pole In a dressing room consumed by my gang of wishing souls

I am a dorm rat, that is the fact, jack, Lookin at incense, playin with warm wax, Hittin on the honeys at the vending machine one hitters, tray dinners, all you need’s an id I am a dorm rat, that is the fact, jack, Lookin at incense, playin with warm wax, Hittin on the honeys at the vending machine one hitters, tray dinners, all you need’s an id This one goes out to all the cuties in the quad walking kitty corner with the itty bitty bod telescopin out the window, waxin wise while you walk, i stalk the fox box to the party on lock security check soon my ids inspected in the elevator waiting to get wrecked open the door then get floored by the heat you get passed a jay while they play pauls boutique get a plasstic cup and ice unless you like it neat all the girls stand up, all the guys take seats smoke fills the air, you fill in Denise on your major, on your minor, on the middle east for sheeza high plains drifter this sorority sister let the belt loop lead you to the liquor elixirs smellin better than a bubble gum scratch and sniff sticker we lick, shoot suck, then duck out even quicker a mad dash to my crib, cuz my roomie is a geek he’s playing Galaxies, makin friends on Dantooine soon I’m climbing up a tree, beers clinging to my teeth miss the window ledge, hit the hedge, land upon my keys I am a dorm rat, that is the fact, jack, Lookin at incense, playin with warm wax, Hittin on the honeys at the vending machine one hitters, tray dinners, all you need’s an id I am a dorm rat, that is the fact, jack, Lookin at incense, playin with warm wax, Hittin on the honeys at the vending machine one hitters, tray dinners, all you need’s an id plaid pajama bottoms or a plaid pleated skirts everything you girl’s wear makes me stare at the dirt if I had balls I’d flirt with y’all in study hall do the geek talk till your eyes roll back into your skull but I’m a freek, spelled f-r-double 3-k when you’re walking my way with my pockets I play I can’t say what’s your name, care to chat for a bit it’s me Brian, that guy, from that class, Russian lit? Care to sit, have a chip, care for some fun dip Dostoyevsky doesn’t impress me, what you think of that shit? but I don’t I just twitch and I itch in my pants play my gameboy advance until she’s finally walked past a mad dash to my crib where I get on my blog in search of Spock dot com check it out if you want that’s the steam blowin scene where I reign supreme Webster’s my Friendster I run the message board for Ween it’s a mental mall for teens, it’s a paradise on earth but in a way it’s like a curse, faster than a Google search I just sit here and drink beer while my roommate flirts at some party, with some hottie who’s all into Fred Durst it makes my heart burst, and yet I do nothing just get on the web and start bitchin and frontin a dot com curmudgeon who’s love life is sufferin it’s the rope or the oven or the hope I find love in the end I am lab rat that is a sad fact shining my test tubes, crying in restrooms dorm life blows if you’ve got no place to go I call my mother everyday, and say I wanna go home I am lab rat that is a sad fact shining my test tubes, crying in restrooms dorm life blows if you’ve got no place to go I call my mother everyday, and say I wanna go home I am lab rat that is a sad fact shining my test tubes, crying in restrooms dorm life blows if you’ve got no place to go I call my mother everyday, and say I wanna go home I am lab rat that is a sad fact shining my test tubes, crying in restrooms dorm life blows if you’ve got no place to go I call my mother everyday, and say I wanna go home

I draw this comic and I honestly promise I never thought my characters would come alive I was astonished When they first started talking well I thought I was insane, yo It was not a game, no, they came out the frame so quick That’s when I tried to run from Truman the Human ‘Cause he was having too much fun All naked in my face in the yard chewing gum Jumped out the panel modern day Robert Crumb Ducked down the alley it was MC Chaucer Chilling with Ophelia I thought I lost her My car wouldn’t start, I’m like “What is this?” Francis the Monkey had put my keys up in the fridge Saw a jungle cat in the dorm room, needed more room Fish Boy laying eggs they were warm dude! Computer science bear was not about world kindness I’m just trying to get out! [Hook] Make a friend on 27th Street (You can always make a friend You can always make a friend, you can always) Make a friend on 27th Street (You can always make a friend You can always make a friend, you can always) This place that I come from called 27th Street Isn’t where you want to be at all There’s a rat named Harold and he’s always getting naked Stealing juice from the shopping mall Baby Jerry’s eating Skittles in his bowl With the Frosted Flakes talking trash to his mom Take a look cause it seems the American Dream On this street’s gone wrong, this song Is about a place you don’t want to go, no! Old Man Wormsly is crawling real slow And what about Toad? Well it’s awkward yo! Luigi’s so impatient he can’t wait for him to go Got pancreatic cancer, God damn! At the funeral he’s making love to another man Diagnosed by an animal hater named Dr. Felix Tossing puppies and kittens out of his ’97 Buick On 27th Street, please please help me Cause the toons that I drew well they’re evil I can see So I grabbed the eraser, no lie! You scary cartoon characters you’re all going to die! Why you gotta be up in my grill? Why you gotta make me wanna kill? Who needs enemies when you got friends like these Well at least I can draw a new scene like “Peace!” [Hook] You can always make a friend who will be there ’till the end On 27th Street, where? On 27th Street, there on 27th Street

[Hook]: Ooh baby I like it raw Yeah baby I like it rawww Ooh baby I like it raw Yeah baby I like it raww [Verse 1]: Shimmy shimmy ya, shimmy yam, shimmy yay Gimme the mic so I can take it away Off on a natural charge, bon-voyage Yeah from the home of the Dodger Brooklyn squad Wu-Tang killer bees on a swarm Rain on your college-ass disco dorm For you to even touch my skill You gotta put the one killer bee and he ain't gonna kill Now chop that down, pass it all around Lyrics get hard quick cement to the ground For any emcee in any fifty-two states I get psycho killer, Norman Bates My producer slam my flow is like bam Jump on stage ah then I dip down I like the way you talk [Hook] [Backwards verse incorporating part of Verse Two] See, when a nigga say he likes it raw He means dirty, down to the floor See my name is the Ol'DB and I'll beat your ass.

[Nate the RA:] Hey! Welcome to Mirrielees orientation. My name's Nate, and I'll be your RA for this year. Today, we'll be moving into our dorms and building community. So go get your keys from the main office, come back, and Get ready to meet your roommates... alright? He was the roommate from Hell! He was the roommate from Hell! [MC Lars:] Satan was my roommate, so junior year was Hell He lacked social skills and had a pungent smell When your roommate is the devil, it can be extremely whack Putting posters on the wall, of Trapt and Nickelback Until the break of dawn he'd be mutilating sheep "It's 4 a.m. Satan, can you please go to sleep?" I can't have girls over when the dorm smells like sterno When did room 56 become Dante's inferno? He likes death and destruction, I like radio and art, He likes holding down Christians and reading Jean Paul Sartre While I'm going to class studying my notes He's eating baby fetuses and sacrificing goats He tricks the freshman girls into eating apples Holding black masses down at the Campus Chapel Should have never moved in, wish I were dead Should have found a place off campus on Craig's List instead [CHORUS] He was the roommate from Hell. His name was Lucifer Someone call a priest. And bring the crucifer He was the roommate from Hell. Leaves his pitchfork in my bed I'm in a satanic panic. 'Cause he is messing with my head [MC Chris:] Yo, pass that giant balloon of helium over here, yo. [Lars:] Okay, but wait, Satan that's too much! [MC Chris:] Boy you need a bitch Not my fault we're mismatched You geek out over Beakman's World, I dig on World of WitchCraft You're thinking that I'm riff raff, huffing on a dishrag I am just a player, play Slayer then I kick back I know I reek of sulfur, leave the shower curtain open I come home drunk, make crank calls To Queens and then Hoboken But college is like Salem, all these bitches be so smokin' If you're thinking that I'm leaving Then I'm thinking that you're jokin'! I gotta share my bunk with this post-punk chump Calls this place a dump says, "You've been through all my stuff, I wish you'd go to Hell." I say, "Hey that's where I'm from!" Blasts Death Cab and Devo he's too emo to get crunk I was a very nice boss down in Paradise Lost I had very nice bling 'cause my minions mind floss To hell with college, this is knowledge at a very high cost Gotta go do some blow with that ho... Kate Moss! [REPEAT CHORUS] [MC Chris:] Lars you're causing laughter When you call yourself a rapper, dude, How many Dead Milkman albums Are there named after you? I always got beer. I always got weed. Best roommate ever. If you'd ever ask me!

Your rapper, he's wack dude, but does he even try? Can he do what mine do? think you should say buh-bye. Your rapper, he's wack dude. Your rapper, he's wack dude. Get up on the mic like a five on a fifty. Quickly avoid the hickeys from the bucktoothed bitties. Fake Timberlake just to be by Britney. Smoke that pipe with Whitney, shoot that blow with Iggy. L.I.B, N.Y.C. and all places in between, you could call me a mint cuz I make the green. I make the scene, I make believe that you all was naked, so I wouldn't have to fake it, just copy and paste it, like Adobe Photoshop, Red Foreman in robocop, I get up on the mic and you know I won't fuckin stop. It's like the props of Carrot Top, or yellow stains in my socks. You acting like you hip? You all hepped up on hops! Yo let's do the body rock, cuz the beat just be so bumpin, let's get our groove on before our carriage is a pumpkin, before they outlaw fuckin, not bad for a drunken munchkin. my name is MC Chris welcome to my lyric luncheon. Word up, word up, word up, word up and you know, oo-ow-oo-ow-oo-owowowow. Your rapper, he's wack dude, but does he even try? Half corn beef and cabbage, half Fred Savage. the better than average rapper with the have to have it habit. heir apparents on my carrot like they was Jessica rabbit, like fake wood paneling on the side of station wagons. fraggle rock on the box, fruit loops on my chin, wonderin if I'm ever really gonna fit in, or be a son of a bitch with a gut and some tits or a roaming casanova with my dick in a (censored) I'll be back in a bit, I gotta floss my johnson, make that cream for the state Wisconsin. you say all of my shit is complete nonsense, fuck my cd and the shitty ass contents. Bullshit, my shit's the bomb. Siamese twins want manage a trois. Robot bitches want their backs massaged. They may not be real but them tits is large. (damn) word up, word up, word up, word up and you know, oo-ow-oo-ow-oo-owowowow. Name's MC, my band's the Lee Majors put us on the bill, and boy ya hit paydirt. When I'm on the mic, the girlies wanna flizzirt but I tell 'em chill like a DQ Blizzard help me, like a DQ Blizzard, D, D, Q Blizzard, help me like a DQ Blizzard, D, D, Q Blizzard. Your rapper, he's wack dude. Your rapper, he's wack dude.

I draw this comic and I honestly promise I never thought my characters would come alive I was astonished When they first started talking well I thought I was insane, yo It was not a game, no, they came out the frame so quick That’s when I tried to run from Truman the Human ‘Cause he was having too much fun All naked in my face in the yard chewing gum Jumped out the panel modern day Robert Crumb Ducked down the alley it was MC Chaucer Chilling with Ophelia I thought I lost her My car wouldn’t start, I’m like “What is this?” Francis the Monkey had put my keys up in the fridge Saw a jungle cat in the dorm room, needed more room Fish Boy laying eggs they were warm dude! Computer science bear was not about world kindness I’m just trying to get out! [Hook] Make a friend on 27th Street (You can always make a friend You can always make a friend, you can always) Make a friend on 27th Street (You can always make a friend You can always make a friend, you can always) This place that I come from called 27th Street Isn’t where you want to be at all There’s a rat named Harold and he’s always getting naked Stealing juice from the shopping mall Baby Jerry’s eating Skittles in his bowl With the Frosted Flakes talking trash to his mom Take a look cause it seems the American Dream On this street’s gone wrong, this song Is about a place you don’t want to go, no! Old Man Wormsly is crawling real slow And what about Toad? Well it’s awkward yo! Luigi’s so impatient he can’t wait for him to go Got pancreatic cancer, God damn! At the funeral he’s making love to another man Diagnosed by an animal hater named Dr. Felix Tossing puppies and kittens out of his ’97 Buick On 27th Street, please please help me Cause the toons that I drew well they’re evil I can see So I grabbed the eraser, no lie! You scary cartoon characters you’re all going to die! Why you gotta be up in my grill? Why you gotta make me wanna kill? Who needs enemies when you got friends like these Well at least I can draw a new scene like “Peace!” [Hook] You can always make a friend who will be there ’till the end On 27th Street, where? On 27th Street, there on 27th Street

Ooooo deary me, My little brother's in his bedroom smoking weed, I tell him he should get up cos it's nearly half past three He can't be bothered cos he's high on THC. I ask him very nicely if he'd like a cup of tea, I can't even see him cos the room is so smoky, Don't understand how one can watch so much TV, My baby brother Alfie how I wish that you could see. [Chorus] Oooooo I only say it cos I care, So please can you stop pulling my hair. Now, now there's no need to swear, Please don't despair my dear Mon frere. Ooooo Alfie get up it's a brand new day, I just can't sit back and watch you waste your life away You need to get a job because the bills need to get paid. Get off your lazy arse, Alfie please use your brain Surely there's some walls out there that you can go and spray, I'm feeling guilty for leading you astray, Now how the hell do you ever expect that you'll get laid, When all you do is stay and play on your computer games? [Chorus] Oh little brother please refrain from doing that, I'm trying to help you out so can you stop being a twat. It's time that you and I sat down and had a little chat, And look me in the eyes take off that stupid fitted cap.